13 August 2004Things that make me smile:oh so many. where do I begin. today was good. went out to lunch with Theresa--it was so good to see her again, and talk with her of course. yummy food, cute restaurant, treated ourselves to Belgian chocolates YUMMM. worked on the memorial service program a bit with Mom, just went over it and etc. fixed my poem. to the post office next and saved money because I thought I had to express mail things but really only had to priority mail them so yay! worked on the slideshow with Dan. I was skeptical at first but I love how it turned out! well actually I haven't seen the final finished product yet (tomorrow!) but I'm happy with it so far. when I was driving home I cried. only a little though. I miss him. went to Mount Buckney (?? haha) with Kelly and talked. so so good to talk with her again too. and beautiful view of the city (cities?), stars, sky, shooting stars/meteors! yep yep good stuff. stopped by home to pee haha. Uncle Frank remembered I like cheesecake and had dropped off three pieces of mango cheesecake earlier. :) so thoughtful. then off to Wendy's drive-through. what a happenin' place. so many people/cars! chili and fries, yum. John Mayer music too--haven't listened to him in a loooong time. good song about fathers and daughters. back to Chewy's to pick up a few movies. also some freshly baked oatmeal raisin cookies (Uncle Frank baked!! teehee so cute). yummm they're gooooood. so much food today. good food. chatting online and a few phone calls. Justin called from China! :) it was good to hear his voice again, after so long. I feel so surrounded by love. :) so much support and care and I'm dripping, I'm so full. but I'm beat cuz I stayed up til 4 writing a poem for the program. goodness long day ahead of me too--testing out the slideshow at church, picking up the picture from kinko's and buying a frame for it, working on my "speech," and relatives are coming over to stay. dunno how long yet. gosh I must write in my journal! I have so much to write! God provides. :) dreaming aloud at 12:42 AM
11 August 2004"This is Our God"Chris Tomlin A refuge for the poor A shelter for the storm, This is our God. He will wipe away your tears And return your wasted years This is our God. Oooh...Mmmm...This is our God. Oooh...Mmmm...This is our God. A father to the orphan, A healer to the broken, This is our God. He brings peace to your madness And comfort in our sadness This is our God. Oooh...Mmmm...This is our God. Oooh...Mmmm...This is our God. This is the one we have waited for, This is the one we have waited for. This is the one we have waited for, Oooh...Mmmm...This is our God. A fountain for the thirsty, A lover for the lonely, This is our God. He brings glory to the humble And crowns for the faithful This is our God. Oooh...Mmmm...This is our God. Oooh...Mmmm...This is our God. Thank you all for your support and love. I, well my whole family, really appreciate(s) it. And we definitely need it. It is good to be in the house of the Lord. dreaming aloud at 2:47 PM
07 August 2004i want my glasses. my eyes hurt. or maybe that's the headache talking.spiderman 2 is not as good the second time as the first. i am so tired but i do not want to give in to sleep yet. i am not ready. dreaming aloud at 3:07 AM
06 August 2004Well, you'd like to think that you were invincible. Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time. Well this is the last time.--"The Brilliant Dance," Dashboard Confessional dreaming aloud at 12:29 PM
am hating blogger right now. it totally messed up my blog and ate my post. i tried to edit it and it got all weird on me. what the heck. hmph. in other news. oops got caught. hehe. fudge. hopefully i'm not screwed. why do i even pretend like i don't need you? when we both know that i do. it's ridiculous actually. how i try to be independent (is that the word i'm looking for?). why do i bother. why do i try. why am i still up. but there is no time. what shall i do tomorrow? i must be productive. hm. i should sew some books finally, if i can get the computer to work with me. and i need to clean my room. so i guess that is what i'll be doing tomorrow. unless i find other excuses/distractions (like always). it's not that complicated. shouldn't let it be that complicated. can uncomplicate it. right? simple is best. hope dangles on a string. dreaming aloud at 1:37 AM
04 August 2004silent cries for a hand for some helpwell it comes and i play it cool smile and lie, say i'm fine and it's over and you're gone wait i made a mistake i really need you now i really need you now why did i push you away and you actually listened to me for once? now i'm staring at the screen of static eyes glazing in and out of focus and i'm moving in slow-motion, like through a fog or under water, gurgling and oh am i drowning? listening to the low hum of the phone not ringing and the fingers typing to the only thing that will receive where are you now, where did you go, why are you disappearing you slip so easily through my fingers well maybe i shouldn't use this soap sometimes you let me catch you, you let me tag you but today you're running away again and i almost touched you. this conversation is dead the silence rings loudly and i try to think of something to break it but i can't so you try and i can't respond. i'm sorry i don't want your words but i really need them i need to hear your voice and see your face, feel your touch and be assured that everything's gonna be ok oh but is it? will it? can it ever be? i have my doubts. i'm holding onto my insecurities. ok, ok, you're right and i surrender. i'm shattered and you've broken me down you win and i lose is this how the game works? and how is it that your embrace can protect me from the rest of the world? dreaming aloud at 12:43 AM
03 August 2004I can't believe I woke up before 9 to pick my brother up from tennis this morning.I treated us to Jamba Juice :) yum. I still need to try the lime flavors. Anyone up for going? Wow I haven't gone much this summer. Is summer going to get any hotter?! Pshaw it better. I want to go swimming. Need to set up Cal email address and find out who my roommates are. How does everyone know already? Do they give us our room assignments yet (prolly not)? At least which building?? Sighhh. I hate Telebears. Time to go be productive. dreaming aloud at 9:45 AM
02 August 2004Amaris just left. It's nice to have friends visit when you're in a funk. Weird mood again today.Worked on scheduling for Berkeley with Christian and Amaris for a while (argh I have to figure out what to drop). Then Amaris and I painted. T'was fun. Will continue on Wednesday when she comes over. We'll rent a Monty Python movie and a Mr. Bean episode and she'll educate me on British humor, and sleep on the loft ("clubhouse" haha). It's fun to sit up there and chat. Like a hideout. Ugh I have to clean my room. Tomorrow. Not like I'm doing anything tomorrow. I'll have to start sewing books tomorrow too. Brain-numbing TV time now. dreaming aloud at 11:57 PM
01 August 2004Never mind. He didn't pick up. How am I supposed to say goodbye to you properly if your phone is off??dreaming aloud at 9:39 PM
I just talked on the phone for about 6 hours today. :) Back to more phone. dreaming aloud at 9:15 PM
Scratch that. I don't have Carissa's email. PSHAW. I'll have to write her the old-fashioned way--by hand. And ugh I think I lost Heun's email too. So maybe I'll end up writing him too, snail mail style. I went to John Muir this morning. For the first time in...two months? Sigh. So bad. It was nice to be back. Weird, but good. I felt so out of place. But everyone is so nice. :) And I really enjoy observing the therapy sessions, and chatting with the patients. It does take a lot of energy though. We'll see if I have enough to actually become a therapist. For lunch, I went out to Applebee's with Amaris and Christian--after six weeks, I finally got to see Amaris again! :) It was a bit disorienting at first to actually see her and sit down and talk with her, but after a while it felt like old times again, so that was good. Then we went to the park and played a bit before Amaris ditched us for other friends. haha ;) Q-zar pshaw. So Christian and I watched "Good Will Hunting" like we've been meaning to do for a while. Then potluck and movie night at Cindy's (while Eddie and gang are at RAV!). :) Yummy food. Funny movie (darn it, I already forgot the name of it). But I had a headache, so I was glad to leave. And now, I am sitting here with my hair wet and contacts out, and I am regretting taking them out so early. My eyes are starting to hurt. But I sort of feel like writing, and I don't know what about. Darn. Maybe I just like the feel of my fingers typing. Except not on this keyboard. Darn our old computer for freezing up. Oh well. This laptop has lost its fun. I do NOT like this keyboard. I have decided to get a desktop for college. Oh darn I have to get on that, don't I? Order a computer that is. Plus bedsheets. Extra-long (dorm size). Why are there always a bajillion things to do and seemingly no time?! Summer is running out. dreaming aloud at 12:01 AM
| |
 | |
