Faded Memories

30 July 2003

Got back from Great America a little while ago. Sometimes, when I'm sitting still, or just with my eyes closed, I feel like I'm still on one of the rides. Dizzying.

Great America was so fun though. I don't usually hang out with the people that went, so it was kind of nice to get to know them a little bit better. I'm mad we didn't go on Invertigo though. The only 5 there! Except for the "6", haha.

Talking with Kel on the way home made me think...how happy and grateful I should be. And I really want to talk to a certain someone right now, because I think I can relate a lot to you.

Anyways. I'm getting these huge head rushes, so I'm not going to write anymore. But argh, I have so much to write!! It sucks that I can't write it all here. Maybe I'll go write in my real journal.

Goodnight.

dreaming aloud at 11:42 PM

28 July 2003

Can I just say, I love the song "Big Yellow Taxi." And Santana, because he does songs with various (really cool) artists. These songs were on the radio today, and they cheered me up. Norah Jones also rocks.

Oh, and I think I'm addicted to Harry Potter fanfiction. Especially ones about Ron and Hermione. But also Snape/Sinistra.

(I can't believe I spent hours yesterday, reading so much fanfic. It's incredibly addicting!!)

I watched Two Weeks Notice today. I love Hugh Grant. And Sandra Bullock.

But I am in desperate need of another round of Pirates of the Caribbean. And not just because I missed the little extra something at the end of the credits last time. Or because of Orlando.

...Well, maybe because of Orlando. :)

dreaming aloud at 12:09 AM

23 July 2003

*Note to self: get both Concord driving routes from Kelly

dreaming aloud at 10:58 PM

Oh yeah. I forgot to write that I had my first piano lesson on Wednesday, with Alfred. :) It was fun. I guess Joyce and I kinda overstayed our welcome though...haha. Oops. I can't wait to play Yanni. :)

On the way to Pantom (er, Restaurant Lulu)...
Me: I can't wait to play Yanni!
Bert: What? Golf?

And I had dinner with Heun, Spanx, and Roz on Sunday. We went to Chile's. It was nice to see them again. I feel like I barely know them anymore though. We all have our own separate lives. Is this what it's like to grow up and grow apart from friends? I hope that it won't be like this with all my friends.

Oh yeah, and I got a 5 on my Calc AP! :) Just had to write that down. hehehe.

dreaming aloud at 6:21 PM

Ok, I just read on Christina's blog that there was something at the end of the credits of Pirates!!! I can't believe I MISSED THAT!!!!! ARGH. Now I have to go see it again. Hopefully with Amaris, when she gets back. :) Yay, I'm excited again. haha.

dreaming aloud at 6:15 PM

Well I finished Harry Potter!!! On Sunday night (at 3 am, haha). Order of the Pheonix is sooo good.

I also saw Pirates of the Caribbean last night. Sigh. Orlando Bloom. :) The movie was surprisingly funny! Such a great movie. Not just because Orlando is in it (a very good bonus, though). Johnny Depp is hilarious. I wish all guys could wear clothes like Orlando's, er, excuse me, Will Turner's (even his name is cute!). But seriously, I love what they wore back then. Maybe I can travel backwards in time. That'd be nice.

I had my first taste of gelato on Monday. Yum. The chocolate flavors are delicious, as is the limone. :) Thanks, Elaine, for taking me! Oh, and I bought my mom the necklace she wanted. I can't believe we found it, the right design, the right length, and the right price! :) I want it to be October already, so we can just give it to her. But then I want it to be summer again, right after that, so I can go play some more. I love summer. I just need a bit more motivation and a little less heat so I can actually get some stuff done. I'm so happy I got to spend some time with Elaine before she leaves. She is such a great sister. :)

I got a checking and debit account today! Yay. Hopefully this will help me be a little more conscious of the money-spending thing, because I'll be spending MY money. And I'll be keeping track. Ooh, and I get a box of these cute checks, for free! They're adorable. I don't know when I'd use them, but that's ok, because I'll have them for longer. Haha.

Hm...I had a lot of stuff I wanted to write down, but now I forget it all. I guess I'll post it when I remember. In the meantime...This-or-That Tuesday (even though it's a Wednesday):

July 22: Audience Potpourri Participation!
Hello friends!! It's Pete-As you all know by now Christine is on her anniversary vacation. Last week I asked for submissions from our subscribers and received quite a few! THANK YOU to all-there are too many to list but these are your questions on an EXTENDED version of This-Or-That Tuesday!

1) DVD or VHS? DVD.
2) Best Literary/Movie Villan: Voldemort (Harry Potter) or Sauron (LoTR)? Ooh...this one's a toughie...I guess I'd have to go with Voldemort (probably because I'm in a Harry Potter mood, haha).
3) Meat: rare or well-done? Between the two, I'd have to go with well-done. Rare...*shudder*...raw...blecch.
4) High Speed Internet-Cable or DSL? DSL.
5) Women: 1-piece bathing suit or Bikini? Tankini :)
6) To be fair--Men: Boxers or briefs? (Please, boys, say boxers.)
7) Beer or Liquor/Wine? Neither, but I've always wanted to try wine.
8) Coke or Mountain Dew? Coke.
9) In honor of my 10/18/03 nuptials: Morning or Afternoon/Night Wedding? Afternoon/Night.
10) Carpet or Hardwood Floors? Carpet, definitely. I live for comfort.
11) American cars or foreign? Anything with a CD player and not too tacky.
12) Cutest TV Twin: Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen? I can't really tell them apart.
13) Coffee: Caffeinated or Decaf? Tea.
14) Thought-Provoking Question of the Week: Computers: Do they make life better or worse? Why? Better, but I'm too lazy to write out why.

dreaming aloud at 6:10 PM

20 July 2003

Oh yes. Another thing. Why do such superficial things like clothes and shopping and, you know, handbags, shoes, and all those pretty useless things make me so happy? Alas, only temporarily happy, but still. I feel gross. I disgust myself.

Some days I tell myself that it's ok to be like this, happy-go-lucky and appreciating the "simple pleasures" in life, and other days I feel like I waste so much money and time because there are other simple pleasures that aren't so materialistic, such as nature. But no. I choose to waste away in this filth.

I think I'll go drown myself in Harry Potter now.

dreaming aloud at 11:03 PM

My problems seem so petty. I can't put them into words, so whenever I try to tell people about them, they just sound like garbage. And I feel like a fool.

So don't mind my posts. I just need to dump these thoughts somewhere.

dreaming aloud at 10:56 PM

I'm so tired...I never thought I'd say this, but I'm tired of all this hanging out. Some of it is pretty meaningless.

I guess I just prefer making a connection with others, talking deeply, one on one. Not just hanging out for the sake of hanging out. I feel like I could be doing so much more with my time. (But I'm not...)

I want to figure out what I want. I want so much...but it's not possible...or maybe it's just me who thinks it's impossible, maybe it's just me who is making it impossible.

sinking sand...

That's what I feel like. I feel like I'm in sinking sand. Everything swirling about me. So many voices. Shame. Guilt. Selfishness. Frustration.

I need a good cry.

Argh, I want to figure out what my priorites are. I want to do things that I want to do without feeling obligated to do something else. I love my family dearly, but sometimes I feel it's a burden to try to be ever-so-patient (which I am not, unfortunately) and...and...it's so hard, living with it every day. I'm so tired. That's all I can say.

I feel so torn.

I hate this feeling, just now realizing that I've been filling up my schedule for the sake of keeping busy. I thought it was because I wanted to hang out with people, to spend as much time as possible with all my friends before going away to college (which is not for another year), -- and I do -- but I feel like I've been using it as an escape from my other life, my life at home. I feel...suffocated...this longing for other people to know what it's like, but a desire to keep it hidden, to not let anyone in, to put a fake smile on my face because I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, to feel like they have to act a certain way around me...when all I want to do is break down and cry. To not have to explain anything at all. Who will let me just cry?

I wish I could have someone to just hold my tears for me...

But...I have God. And I know I haven't been going to Him. But I don't want to face that fact. So I just stuff it in further, along with everything else...

I need to get away.

Or else I need something...someone...that I haven't yet found. Maybe I don't even know what it is. But I need it.

Oh, one more thing. I don't understand how people are so bored all the time.

dreaming aloud at 10:47 PM

I am Victorian!

[ Take the quiz at Civility ]

dreaming aloud at 9:37 PM

19 July 2003

Freesh says she blogged about me blogging. So now I am fulfilling her post. I'm in Davis with Purple Jie Jie, Freesh, and Cathos. Oh, and Super Jon is here too--we met him. Haha, it's fun to pick on him. Muahaha. :)

It's too hot to post anything meaningful or thought-provoking. I'll gush later about Phantom of the Opera...oh, and Restaurant Lulu! :) Hahaha such a funny name...but yummy food. I'm sleepy. I want to finish the fifth Harry Potter. Oh, and I want to see Pirates. You guys, we have to go before Thursday...cuz both Freesh and Jeff are going to SD (and LA) that day.

I need my ATM pin number. Grr.

...Off to make dinner at Vicky's!

dreaming aloud at 6:23 PM

16 July 2003

This-or-That Tuesday (a little late):
July 15: Summer Re-run!
This is a repeat of the very first T-or-T I came up with, when I took this over more than a year ago. But I know there are a lot of newbies here who may enjoy this...so here is...The Cartoon Edition!

1. Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck? Bugs Bunny. Sometimes Daffy's lisp gets annoying.
2. Tom or Jerry? Jerry. He's so cute!
3. Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck? Mickey Mouse. Because he gets Minnie. And Minnie used to be my favorite.
4. Rocky & Bullwinkle or Boris & Natasha? Rocky & Bullwinkle. Because I actually watched that, but never Boris & Natasha.
5. Road Runner or Wile E. Coyote? Road Runner.
6. Sylvester or Tweety? Tweety.
7. Popeye or Bluto? Popeye.
8. South Park or The Simpsons? The Simpsons.
9. Jetsons or Flintstones? Jetsons!!
10. And finally, the eternal question asked by all good Scooby-Doo fans: Velma or Daphne? Daphne.

dreaming aloud at 11:02 AM

14 July 2003

Did all of my friends from school just fall off the face of the earth?

Just a thought.

...

Where are you guys??? I feel like summer hasn't started, because I haven't seen you guys in forever. Does everyone really have that busy of a schedule? I suppose I don't do much to help us all get together. Hmm. Maybe I'll have to call everyone up or something. I just feel...so...disconnected from everyone. I don't know what everyone is up to, I don't know what their summer plans are, I haven't talked to anyone in a long time. I mean, spending time with all my friends from church is so much fun, but...I miss my other friends too.

Sigh.

dreaming aloud at 4:12 PM

12 July 2003

I have been awake for almost 38 hours now. New record for me.

(YG Girls' Sleepover)

dreaming aloud at 11:53 PM

A more realistic "summer projects" list:
1. get driver's liscence
2. take tap classes
3. clean room
4. piano lessons
5. learn guitar
6. volunteer at John Muir
7. research (and visit) colleges

dreaming aloud at 11:52 PM

10 July 2003

I really need that pumice stone right about now.

dreaming aloud at 1:51 PM

LOVE is your chinese symbol!

What Chinese Symbol Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

dreaming aloud at 1:44 PM

Now that I think about it, I kind of want to take Spanish V next (this?) year. Sra. Holland is really nice, when you get to know her. Someone told me that we do more essays and not as much grammar or vocab, so I'll probably learn more. And plus, I could use another honors class. Hmm...I hope I can change my schedule in time. But that means I won't do Photo. I guess it's ok, because I would only be in Photo I. And you don't get to do any of the cool things in Photo I. At least not the things I want to do.

I had a good talk with Felicia yesterday. :) That was fun, just hanging out at her house, like old times (Wednesday nights!!). I think it helped me decide at least what field I want to go into, after college. Hopefully I can find a private college in California that would be good for me, because I think I'd be a lot happier at a private than a UC (which was my original plan). But I'll have to apply for a lot of financial aid and scholarships.

And I can't wait for her to landscape my yard, when we finally get all the junk cleared out. :) At least a few rosebushes, ok? And sunflowers, of course.

Maybe we'll go shopping tomorrow! I want to get my dress. And Macy's is having a huge sale. And then swimming!! At Dan's...except I can't swim. Not tomorrow. :( I guess I'll just go tanning. I need to get rid of my weird shirt tans (yes, tans, plural, more than one. My shoulders are like five different colors!! Argh.).

So tap class was fun today. All we did was practice our combination and review some other steps. And then we had our first test. That was a little nerve-wracking, but it ended up ok. We danced in front of the class in groups of three or four. I got a 19.5 out of 20! :) Yay! I'm proud. No one got a perfect. :( Haha, Faith just noticed that I was a perfectionist...I want to have a second chance and do it over, so I can get a 20. Haha.

Hm. I forgot what I was going to write about. Ok I think I'm going to go now. I'm very full. We had lunch at the Pot Belly Deli...it was oh-so-delicious. :) But now my stomach hurts. It's over-stuffed.

dreaming aloud at 12:54 PM

09 July 2003

You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

Aw. I kinda hoped to get "hope." But I guess this fits.

dreaming aloud at 11:15 PM

08 July 2003

I would just like to say that I got the cutest Fossil bag for twenty dollars. :) I am very proud and happy. :) (Christina, now I see why you love that store so much. Their sales are awesome!)

Now...for This-or-That Tuesday:
July 8: Summer Potpourri

1. Strawberries or blueberries? Strawberries (and whipped cream!).
2. "Legally Blonde 2" or "Terminator 3"? Legally Blonde 2 -- I love Reese Witherspoon. She can always put a smile on my face. Plus, chick flicks are the best. :)
3. Hamburgers or hot dogs? Depends on my mood. Both are yummy though.
4. Boating or hiking? BOTH!!! (Anyone wanna go sometime? I really really want to go...)
5. Suntan lotion or sunblock? Sunblock. Although being able to tan would be nice.
6. "Big Brother" or "The Amazing Race"? ...neither? (What are they, anyway?)
7. Beach Boys or Jimmy Buffett? Beach Boys. Definitely. :)
8. Grow your own produce or buy from supermarket/greengrocer/farm stand? Ideally, I would like to grow my own produce...however, seeing that I kill any green plant I touch by overwatering and drowning it, I don't think that is possible. So I guess I have to go with buying, but I prefer to shop at farmers' markets, so the produce is fresh and organically grown. :) Or else Whole Foods.
9. Drive with car windows/top down, or with air-conditioning on? Air-conditioning. The wind blows my hair everywhere, especially into my eyes. That gets annoying. Also, my eyes are really sensitive to the wind, for some odd reason...I can never keep my eyes open in cars with the windows rolled all the way down, much less with the top down.
10. Go away for vacation, or stay at home? I'm more of a homebody, but there are a few places I would like to visit (namely Europe and Australia...oh, and Taiwan!). :) Would anyone like to take me? :)

dreaming aloud at 7:42 PM

07 July 2003

I'm proud of myself. I survived a tuberculosis shot this afternoon. Except I almost didn't, because afterwards, and even while getting the shot, it didn't hurt. But just thinking about it, or looking at my arm and the little puff of skin and the blood oozing out of it, made me start to hyperventilate. I would have become even more panicky, I think, except for my mom. Thank God for my mom. She cracks me up. I told her I was hyperventilating, and I was about to cry, and she said, "What's hyperventilating?" I said, "Aiya, look it up!!" But then I said, "Try to put it together." She said, "Hyper means lots of something..." I said, "So what is ventilation?" She said, "Oh, lots of breathing?" Sigh. At least I get a new dress. I figured I can wear it to the opera and to Eddie and Cindy's wedding. :) Oh, how I love dress shopping!

dreaming aloud at 7:03 PM

Giving yourself a French pedicure is an instant pick-me-up. Or maybe that's just me.

Except when it chips, and you realize that your tedious work has not lasted long. Which suckeths.

dreaming aloud at 6:57 PM

I started to write, and then I realized that I was rambling because there are so many things I want to write about, and I don't know where to start. I wish I could just record all my thoughts, to preserve them for later, so I can look back on them and remember. So effortless. Too easy, I suppose. It's not worth anything if I don't put any energy into it.

Ehh, maybe later. I edited the comments box. Good enough for now. :)

dreaming aloud at 6:49 PM

04 July 2003

I got to catch up with lil Jeffrey last night, on the phone. Just like old times. :) I'm gonna miss him. And all the other college freshmen. Sigh. I suppose the two and a half hours convo sort of makes up for it...somewhat. But it's ok. Summer is still here. We still have a long time until school starts...(nevermind the fact that Berkeley starts earlier than all the other colleges!! Stupid Berkeley!).

dreaming aloud at 6:22 PM

03 July 2003

Why does my comment server not tell me when I have comments?! Argh. I just realized I had comments, so I had to read them all now. I hope I didn't miss any. Sorry guys.

And thanks, Shiuan Shiuan, for making my layout. I love it. :)

dreaming aloud at 12:13 AM

02 July 2003

Apparently my mother's wedding ring does not fit her anymore. She stopped wearing it a long time ago. I would like to buy her a nice gold chain necklace, so she can wear the ring around her neck. I hope that somehow I can afford to buy one. And I hope I can get a ride to Oakland somehow, to look for one she would like (she's picky, like me, only not like me, because she's only picky about some things, and I'm picky about everything). Anyway. Just a thought.

dreaming aloud at 11:55 PM

01 July 2003

Since I'm up...

This-or-That Tuesday
July 1: Summer Fun!

1. Lemonade or Ice Cold Beer? Lemonade! Pink lemonade or strawberry lemonade is even better.
2. Swimming pool or beach? Beach, because of the view. Deathly afraid of the ocean, though. Swimming in it, I mean. Wouldn't mind boating in it.
3. Long weekends here & there, or a 2-week vacation? Both!
4. Destination: Acapulco or Hawaii? Hawaii.
5. Destination: Mountains or Beach? Mountains.
6. Hotel/motel/B&B or camping? Camping. We must go again!
7. Carefully planned vacation, or play it by ear? A little bit of both. Somewhere in between.
8. Sneakers or sandals? Sandals.
9. Air-conditioning or fans? Fans.
10. Concerts in the park or baseball games? Concerts in the park. Not a huge sports fan. Although I do love watching my brother's Little League games. And basketball games. (Does that count?)

dreaming aloud at 12:51 AM

Insomnia. More tweaking. Yay.

*Another note to self: new template for archives index page. Ask Shiuan Shiuan for help?

dreaming aloud at 12:46 AM