26 August 2002arrrrgh...stupi schedule changes. what a hassle. i must go and get my sched fixed tmrw...hopefully they can do it by tmrw. sheesh. open fifth. what the heck?!?! aaaaaargh. so here is my sched as of now:a: spanish IV, commerford 1: orchestra, brown 2: chem honors, highsmith 3: english, sweet 4: us hist, wrenn 5: open 6: calc, gishe hmph. what happened to stat? grr. not enough periods options...poopies. anyways. i've been cleaning my room and bummin around the house for the whole day...i still have a lot more to clean and re-organize tho, in my room i mean. i went to target today to get some stuff and i'm happy cuz i got two lip glosses (on sale!! *grin*) and a bulletin board for my room, and some stuff for school...bleh. i hate school. dreading the thought of it starting. *sigh* well now i must go cuz mom needs the comp, so laters everyone. hopefully ur schedules all work out!!!!! *crosses fingers* dreaming aloud at 10:45 PM
25 August 2002something i noticed...girls usually have a much harder time getting over guys than guys do getting over girls...why is that? can anyone tell me?dreaming aloud at 9:40 PM
youth rally was awesome!!!!! such an incredible night...wow. worship...all my team mates, i am so blessed to have worked with you all! you guys are great. and body worship, and skit...so lucky to be a part of those. and just watching everything and listening to ashley's testimony and eddie's message, wow...such a powerful testimony, and such a simple messge...yet i learned a lot. or had my visions of certain things cleared up a bit. anyways. after rally i went to amaris's party. that was so much fun. kate and leopold is my new fave movie...i'm not sure if i like a walk to remember better, or kate and leopold. hehe. sooo sweet! a princess bride is cute, and funnie, but not the greatest movie. the guy is pretty cute tho. :) the main character. and fred savage is adorable!!! "is this a kissing book?" yes...we watched those two movies...and stayed up til like 6 something in the morning...woke up at 9 something...forget...so i was kinda tired when i went to church. but i didn't really feel it til later on in the day. i just had a headache...thanx smee...kept hitting me in the head with her pillow. ouchies. post-rally party after church...i didn't get dunked in the pool! i went in by myself, thank you very much. i went not because they forced me to, but because i WANTED to. it's the principle of the thing, to go in of your own free will. right freesh and cathos? yes. ok. what else. iono party was fun. i tired. i'm in this really weird mood right now. i guess this is what i call "melancholy" or "mopey". life has been really great lately, so i guess i'm not too surprised that i'm kinda crashing right now, that i'm having a bit of a downer. but i guess i just feel so sad. i look around and see so many once-close friends in relationships, maybe not like "official" relationships, but they are certainly relationships. and i feel sad because they used to be close to me. but they all are the same. they close themselves off to friends...they are very exclusive about spending time with that one special person. i don't mind them being close to that person, but it just makes me so sad to see them forgetting about their friends...and i know they don't mean to...but they do...it happens...i've lost so many close friends this way...so each time i see another situation like this happening, it hits me harder and harder each time...and each time it hurts more and more. i wonder if any of my friends notice that we are drifting...and if they do...do they care? dreaming aloud at 9:37 PM
23 August 2002whoa...i had another weird dream last night. this one is really long though, compared to the other ones. i still kinda remember it too. alriteys, here goes nothing. i was on a bus, with a whole buncha asian ppls i think, and we for some reason stopped at my old school, palmer. but it didn't look like palmer. i guess they remodeled or something...anyways, so we all went in...and i was helping the little kids (like kindergarten or something) in a really big room with stairs going up to the next floor. i was helping the really young teacher. then we heard that pirates (think peter pan) were coming after us, so we tried to run and hide and stuff. we felt these blasts like earthquakes or whatever so everyone held onto their chairs...we were like on top of the chairs, laying on them, holding on for dear life...we tried to go under the table, but then we saw the can of gas. the teacher was like, gas! everyone get away from the table!!! she and i held our breath and started scooting out from under the table, but the kids started laughing, cuz they were like, gas? hahaha...but then they started choking so they got the picture. then i started to creep upstairs with a little kid to see if it was safe, but we saw a pirate, and hurried quickly down the stairs. we all pretended to be asleep at the table, and we heard the pirates say, they're all asleep sir. so we were safe, for now. then i think they took us upstairs, to find all the rest of the people...why they wanted us i don't know. i think they were trying to kill all of us, or take us captive or something. not sure. anyway so we went to find the other kids, and we were all following the pirates. a couple of us hid while we were walking around, and managed to escape. slowly everyone started doing this, and we all escaped. oh wait. the kids weren't held captive, though, they only wanted the ones on our bus. ok. so we all escaped. we ran outside, trying to find our bus. couldn't find it for a while, so we just sat down by the grass, winded. then we saw these guys coming for us...they were the pirates, or guards, or soldiers or whatever. and some asian guys did some kung fu moves on them and managed to get the guns away from them. they shot them, and they were dead. so basically all the pirates were gone by now...so we went back on the bus. and we were all talking about it and stuff, i thought it was a dream i had had, but then everyone had the same "dream", so i realized that it had really happened, that it wasn't a dream. and then i woke up cuz my parents tried to wake me up, but i fell back asleep. continued the dream. same dream, too. weird. ok. so we went back into the school, cuz some girl wanted to check out my old school, cuz it was a private school and she wanted to see if it was a good school to go to. so we went back in. and then i saw matt, in the area that looked like a lodge. it was the weirdest thing. so i was telling the girl that it didn't look like this when i went here, they must have remodeled the school or something, and then matt came up to me. he was like, do i have your number? or something like that. i was like...umm...don't u have it? (cuz we used to go to school together) so i was like, whatever....and told him my number. our group walked around a little...and then matt came up to me again and was like, here, this ring is for u. i was like...(thinking to myself) what the....ok..."oh...thanks". and i put it on. then we walked around some more, talking to people, and he comes up to me again. and he goes, this necklace is for you. once again, i go, thanks, ...and i'm confused, cuz it's like, why is he paying attention to me now ?? it's kinda flattering, but i was still really confused. and then i see a whole buncha necklaces on the table, well the pendants for them, and i was like, ooh...look...so pretty! and i scooped up a whole bunch to show my friends. and then i forgot which one matt had given me...i was like, oops...umm...which one did you give me again? so i was looking at each one and showing him, asking, was it this one? and he would say no. so i'd show him another one...this one? no. and then nancy walked over to us, and she was helping me find it. i don't know where she came from, but ok. and then...i remember going outside and sitting in the grass, with like three other girls, and a guy...and the guy like tries to hit on two of the girls...darn i forget who they are now. but he was sorta cute. teehee. anyways, then we went back on the bus...drove for a while...we talked...i fell asleep afterwards...i don't remember what happens next. i think that's the end of my dream. cuz then i woke up.alriteys enough rambling. i just had to get that out, cuz it was sooo strange...oi vey. what do people get hives from?? cuz i think i had them...i had them the night before last, and i had them last night. it was the scariest thing...my dad gave me some chinese thing to rub on them, and then gave me a pill, which pretty much knocked me out...maybe that explains my delerious dreams haha. but it was really scary. i don't think i ate something weird. so i don't get it. oh well. time for me to eat breakfast!! or lunch..whatever...yes, i just woke up. that's how long the pill knocked me out for. well i woke up 12:30 ish. ok ahhhh i'm rambling again. time to eat. fooood! laters. dreaming aloud at 1:03 PM
oh wait!!!! i almost forgot. cti people came home on wed!!!! (yesterday) and i saw PAULS and dave today!!!!!!!!! at church. when we were practicing for rally (skit and body worship). ok i just had to share that with y'all. dreaming aloud at 12:28 AM
i had the strangest dreams the other day...don't remember when...i don't know if i should post names...oh well it was just a dream, so i guess it doesn't matter. so here goes. i think in one of them, dan was about to commit suicide, and i got really scared and tried to stop him, but he did it anyways...and i was crying and stuff. that freaked me out. and then the next short dream was dan and alfred trying to kill me, with a knife i think. i was like, i thought u guys were my friends!! but they killed me anyway...they had the scariest evil looks in their eyes...*shudder*. anyway, i think i had another random one...it was really weird...i dont really remember much of it, but i think i really liked moki, and he really liked me, and all i remember is that he kissed me or something...and then i woke up. ...i think? darn, i should have written these down when i actually had the dreams...like that day. but i still remember them cuz they freaked me out...i mean, dreams are supposed to be ur subconscious, right? so what are these dreams telling me?! what do they mean?? im so confused...oh well. i just got really scared by them, and i thought u guys might get a kick out of them...laughing at me and whatever. ok. hmm...now onto my "fashion tips for the day" haha, purple jie jie and mei mei. :) um...what were they again? i know we were talking about not liking to touch our dirty laundry...esp our family's dirty laundry...well i don't mind doing my own, but anyway...we were talking about re-wearing your clothes. like if you're at home all day, you're usually in comfy pj's or clothes you wear only at home, right? you just wear whatever. scrubs. and then when you go out, you actually put on real clothes...so you only wear them for like a tiny bit of the day. so if you re-wear that outfit another day in the week, you can save water and laundry detergent. and the energy you'd have to use to wash your clothes (your energy and electricity). so see? it's like recycling. hehehe. and besides, your clothes don't get that dirty anyways, so you can wear em a couple of times before you wash them. especially in winter, when you don't sweat as much. anyways...that was just something random we were talking about in the car...on the way home...ok i'm done rambling. good night. dreaming aloud at 12:27 AM
19 August 2002to continue my post about retreat (which i barely started writing about cuz too many ppl were talking to me and i couldn't concentrate), ...where was i. oh yes. i didn't expect much from retreat. so i just kinda went. but God proved me wrong. He taught me a lot of things while i was there. there were a lot of memorable events, for me at least. on the first day, i had really good talks with two of my friends. i got to know them better, but not as well as i'd like. they're kewl girls. :) i hung out with them mostly for the first two days...well, really just a day and a half, cuz the first day we were there was only like half a day. (we got there by dinner time.) at night we would walk around, up and down the hill, just talking. another friend joined us also. he's really sweet. never really realized til now.another kewl point of the retreat was that i got to help lead a small group, with freesh. it was kinda weird, cuz i've never done something like that before, but i think i'd like to try again. ok i'm just gonna ramble cuz i can't remember everything in order, but these events are memorable for me, i don't know if they'll make much sense to you. moving on. i think it was the second night that i hung out with two other girls. we had fun "story-telling"...about our lives, teehee. very interesting stuff...never heard some of it before. i got to know one of them a lil better also, and that was kewl. there are so many people i'd like to get to know better, and i hope i have the opportunities and the guts to go up to them first. sometimes it's kinda hard to break the ice, so to speak. i don't remember which night this was...oh wait! it was the second night i'm pretty sure. all the small group leaders met together with eddie, our new youth pastor, to check up on how our small groups were going...and earlier that night, eddie had invited everyone to close their eyes, and raise their hands if they wanted to accept Jesus into their lives for the first time, or i guess to reaffirm their faith. it was pretty awesome. 6 people raised their hands. six!! (or was it five?) that's so awesome. God is so good. and we had a really great talk within that group of small group leaders. phyllis raised an interesting question, which led to a great discussion. most of you prolly know by now (if you know me pretty well) that i've been struggling with a certain problem for almost a year. i've been praying about it but i still didn't know what to do. and then i realized i was praying in the wrong way. so i started to pray for God to take away the bitterness in my heart, the anger, the jealousy, the hurt...and replace it with love, so that i could once again love my two friends that were once close to me. i had only started to pray for this, maybe one or two days before i went on retreat. i continued to pray for that for the first two days of retreat, and lo and behold, God answered my prayers. on the third morning of retreat, we had worship. and during worship, God just totally broke me. i started to cry, to bawl, while i realized how sinful i was and how unworthy of Him. and yet He still loves me, for who i am. that just amazed me, and humbled me. and during that time of worship, when i cried out to Him, i surrendered that problem, the same problem that has been hanging over my head for a year, completely to Him. every time i try to surrender it to Him, i try to take it back into my hands, to be in control of it. but this time i surrendered it all to Him, and He took care of it. He replaced my burden with His light and easy yoke (Matthew 11: 30). He gave me rest for my soul when i was weary and burdened. it was one of the most amazing experiences i've ever had with God, one of the most strong bonds i've had with Him, most clear, most refreshing, most renewing, and...indescribable experience, too huge for words to explain. but i knew with such clarity and boldness that i was not alone, that He was right there with me, comforting me while i was crying, loving me when i was unlovable, holding me while i was unworthy, cleansing me within while i was unclean. after the worship set was over, i pretty much ran out of there to go outside and just be with God, holding my bunches of wadded up used tissues. i didn't know it then, but i know now, that God had removed my burdens, my problem. He replaced my bitterness with love for my "enemies". i was able to look at them once more, without feeling spiteful. i didn't know what had come over me, but at the lake that afternoon, i found i could speak a few words to them without feeling the searing pain. and at the campfire that night, i found myself responding to her, talking to them both and laughing, like old times. i don't know how we started talking, but i guess we were walking to the dining hall to get our cup o' noodles filled up with hot water, and i didn't get one so i asked for a bite from hers. i was filled with an inexplicable joy that i couldn't comprehend or deny. i felt so giddy and lighthearted. i was acting really loopy, cuz i haven't felt that way in such a long time. i felt so free. and then we just started walking to the campfire site. it was really dark and all of us only had a few flashlights within our little group or whatever, so i found myself wanting to be nice and shining the flashlight in their paths so they could see where they were going. and then she said to me, "ian you hafta sit with us." so i did, and another friend sat with us also. the four of us found a bench that we sat on. it was one towards the outer ring of the circle of benches encircling the campfire. it was kinda kewl, cuz i was able to talk and laugh with them like we had always done in the past. i think all three of us were amazed at this, because for the first time in so long, we were all able to hang out together and not have it feel uncomfortable. and ever since that moment when God broke me, i was able to truly worship Him, especially while singing praise songs. it's so incredible to just worship Him with everything you've got, to not care about what others think of you while you move your body, raise your hands, to the One who rides above in the heavens, while really paying attention to and meaning every word that comes out of your heart and dances on your lips, that floats among the clouds up to Him. and during the campfire, God was still changing me, transforming me. i was still going through that process. and i felt the urgency to talk to both of them, so i asked if i could talk to her. not him, not yet; i didn't have a chance to ask him if i could talk to him, cuz he was always around people. but anyway, once we got back, i talked to her, i explained what was going on in my life, and i started crying a little again, cuz i asked her to forgive me, and she did. and she said that she really admired me for always coming up to them and being the one who brings this up, to try to work it out. and that just really touched me. but it was all God's doing, not my own. later on, after we talked for a while, she got him to come talk to us too, and we went outside cuz it was getting really noisy inside. so we started talking. or rather, i started, cuz i guess i was the one who sort of "called" this little gathering. and i was really nervous and shaking cuz somehow it was easier to apologize and talk to her...i would think it would be easier to talk to him, but whatever. and he said he was really surprised that i came forward and asked for forgiveness, and that he respected me for it. i think i started crying again. but anyway, that night we had a pretty long talk outside, all three of us. well actually, she left us two to talk alone for a lil bit, and actually i was a lil grateful, cuz i think i do better when i talk to people one on one, like how i talked to her earlier. he revealed a lot of things i didn't know about him, or well i knew sort of but i wasn't really aware of them until then. i felt like i didn't know them anymore and that they were strangers, that i was just getting to know them. and yet as we talked, i could see some familiar traces of their beings that i recognized, and it was comforting to me, to know that i once knew them closely before and that we were being brought together once again under the hands of God. then, when she came back, we all saw a deer, and it was like it had appeared out of nowhere. like a symbol, an answered prayer, just for the three of us. something that bonded us once again, that we all shared. i think it represented hope, new beginnings, peace, and love. she spotted it first, and then he and i saw it as well, and once all three of us saw it, it disappeared off into the night. it was weird cuz we didn't hear it appear, but we did hear it while it pranced off after standing so still, like it was waiting for us to acknowledge its presence. it was almost holy and spiritual. and then we started talking about what a deer meant to us, the symbol of a deer, i guess. so that's where i came up with the hope, new beginnings, peace, and love part earlier. ok i'm rambling again. but it was just an experience too amazing for words. i can't really describe what happened between us that night, but i know that there was forgiveness and love present, and we all agreed to start anew, to put the past behind us, to start over. when we started to walk back inside, i felt all these mixed feelings, like i was sad or dissatisfied with what just happened, like i wanted more. i guess i wanted to stay out there and talk until the sun rose, to catch up with what i had missed, and that was the regretful side of me, that i had let those precious friendships slip away and that i had missed so much of what has been going on in their lives. but another part of me was relieved, that we left a few things unsaid but also forgave each other and renewed our friendships. relieved that i didn't have to have this hanging over my head anymore, relieved that i didn't have to avoid them any longer. so after we went in, we started playing card games, and everything was back to normal, like we had always been friends, like nothing happened, nothing bad at least. that was the third night we were there, also our last night, so most of us tried to stay up as late as possible. i stayed up til around 5 something, and by then i was pretty dillusional, acting all loopy again, but in a different way, cuz my reaction or response time was really slow to everything. it was just really funny. everyone was really weird, almost delerious, haha. it was pretty funny. i guess you had to be there though. i started laughing at the randomest things, and you know how when you're really tired, you laugh at anything? well that was me. but then i started slowing down and just responding to things really slowly, unlike how i would otherwise, in other situations, under other circumstances. but i did catch a few winks of sleep before breakfast the next morning, which i had to go to in my pj's cuz i woke up at like 8:02 (breakfast was at 8). i pretty much rolled out of bed and went down to breakfast with faith. but i slept in the car (ours was the big white van) so it was all good. after stopping at in-and-out for lunch with everyone, and marie callendar's with moki, alfie, and jonathan--marie's bathrooms were sooo incredibly nice!!!!! especially after the junk we were used to--(mm that bite of chocolate cream pie i had of moki's was reallllly yummie), i conked out in the van, and then we got back to church. after going to jamba juice on the way home, and dropping off dan and his cousin margaret, i went home and watched a lil tv, and then went on the couch to lay down for a lil. i totally conked out and slept for like two hours, which was an interrupted two hours because the phone kept ringing. i don't know what i said to the people who called (i think one of them was kevin koo, sorrie kevin! i was extremely tired). i never know what i'm saying when i'm tired and people are talking to me. half the time i don't even remember that they were talking to me, until they tell me about it later. heh. ok, enough about retreat. so the next day, friday, august 16, i was scheduled to take my written permit test. i STILL hadn't read the handbook, so i got up early (early for me) and read the whole handbook that morning. i studied my butt off. but i had looked at other people's permit tests before, so i knew sorta what to expect. (moki, your tests were ancient...they were like 1996 or something like that...and they have new versions now, for 2002...but yours was a big help, alfred, so thanks to both of you.) anyway, my appt was at 2:10, and i was even early!! but i went to the wrong line, so i had to go wait in a different line, which was shorter but somehow took so much longer!! that was really frustrating. by the time it was my turn, it was already like 2:30 or 2:40. so i finally got my picture taken, got my test, took it, double checked it, and......PASSED!!!! with two wrong. woohoo!! i was so happy. i'm finally excited to drive, now. i get to drive our toyota 4runner. hehehe. mwahaha, watch out peoples! here i come!! little cars, beware...i might crush you. teehee. ok, the next day was saturday, august 17, and it was john and christiana's wedding!!!!! it was soooo cute and sweet and it almost made me cry several times. but it was also really funnie. hahaha i luv john. the reception was so much fun cuz they had such cheesy music but it was still fun dancing to it, and then they played some fun songs, and those were a lot of fun to dance to. but the guys were no fun and they didn't really dance. *sigh* oh well. i had fun! and that's all that matters! jk. john and ana's first dance as a married couple was so cute. the song was "from this moment" by shania twain. it's one of my all-time favorites!!! it was so sweet. we were all trying to blow bubbles at them, so that was pretty funny too. and ana was so cute, she made a really funnie face at us over john's shoulder, teehee. and alfie caught her garter that john threw!! teehee. that night we had a potluck dinner to officially welcome eddie and cindy (again! haha), and our parents of the youth group were invited as well. yummy yummy food. :) and eddie's testimony was really really kewl too, really interesting and captured my attention. a lot of what he said really hit home as well. and cindy and lena said a few words as well, hehe. ok, sunday, august 18. my brother's 10th birthday!!! double digits!! :) what a day, what a day. not only because of his bday, but...well, you'll see. i'll continue this later, cuz i hafta go to costco and get my pics developed!!! i'll show u guys if u ask and are interested. dreaming aloud at 3:33 PM
Test Results
dreaming aloud at 1:47 AM
dang. feels like i haven't posted in forever. maybe that's cuz i haven't. haha. well here's a quiz...don't worry, i'm gonna post more...this is just for now.
Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com anyways. to fill you guys in on what has been going on in my life for the past week. monday thru thursday (aug 12-15) i've been at a youth retreat at sky mountain. it's been an incredible experience. a memorable one. i actually thought that it wouldn't really be that great...i didn't expect to get much out of it. i don't even know why i went...maybe cuz i love church events and especially retreats...cuz all my church buds are like family. but better. so its kewl. more later. no time. no energy. to type. dreaming aloud at 12:47 AM
12 August 2002wow...i feel so guilty. poems are very powerful things. one's words can shoot flaming arrows right into your heart. and how accurate they are! i realize now even more of how horrible a friend and a person that i am...am i fake? am i bitter and spiteful? do i hold a grudge against someone? am i jealous? am i proud? do i lie? so many questions...i wonder...i must question myself. i find it very difficult to examine one's heart and intentions and motives though. i guess this retreat will be, as mr. knight has said, a good time for some soul-searching...mine started last night...i guess it'll continue, hopefully, throughout the retreat. i need to get away...from everything...everyone...except God. i found out recently how much i really need Him...so hopefully this will be some quality God time. :) i can't wait and yet i can wait forever...for the retreat i mean. probably because of some people i just can't talk to right now...it's weird. i didn't know i feared them, feared talking to them. i feel so ashamed. so guilty. so full of sin. i can't face them. but i know i have to, i know i must make things right, because i can't live with myself until i do. how do i go about doing so though? what do i say? how do i ask for forgiveness? God please humble me, break me, mold me, so that i may make things right once again. this has gone on way too long, and i know that it needs to be resolved. please show me what to do and what to say, and give me an opportunity during this retreat to do so. thank you so much, Lord. and please help me to keep on trusting You, no matter what. thanks for making me and creating me in Your image, and for loving me just the way that i am. i couldn't have asked for more in such a friend. everything i find myself longing in a person is in You. i only hope i can find such friends who are like you. but more importantly, i hope i can learn to be like You. please teach me Lord. thank you so much. Amen.one of my new fave passages in the Bible...Psalm 139. :) dreaming aloud at 12:30 AM
11 August 2002Ok peoples. If you're really interested in the trip that I went on...go check Freesh's blog. hehe. (it's in my links) I'm too lazy to do a recap like she did. And dang hers is good so you might as well read it anyway. *grin*Well, one of the days that we had to get up before the sun rose, we were sitting in the bus and we (at least me and Freesh) watched the sun rise. And I was so moved by the sunrise and the view of the beauty of God's creation that I was inspired to write... "sunrise" awake at dawn and arise with the sun yawn and stretch in the sleepy stillness of morning hush see! the clouds tinted with lavender in the periwinkle sky wisps of fluff spun with hope and full of promise the sun's golden beams light up the clouds and make them glow sunshine drips and flows so liquid like honey and so sweet the sun a perfect ball so smooth you could almost touch it hold it in your hand morning it's like a dreamworld and yet it's real I feel like I could float let the wind carry me and drift off into the sky sleep on the fluffy clouds as the grasses sway below and flutter in the wind fingers of sunshine gently touch the earth and bring the silent world to life once again everything is alive! alive with color basking in the warmth of the sun stirring moving breathing a hint of dew is in the air be still listen! birds sing leaves quiver twigs snap deer prance and we dance as we enter the newly-awakened forest look around this world of yours holds so much hope so much promise don't let it slip away hold onto your dreams and let them sweep you away give yourself to them and you will fly soar higher than ever into the forever blue endless sky where dreams can come true ...And some more poems I wrote while on my brief writing kick: "waiting" lingering desire for you dwells within me a wanting so strong it pulls me under I can't breathe drowning in tears empty days sleepless nights waiting for you "resolution" walk away just go run leave now! but He says run from temptation not fear people say face your fears so is jealousy a temptation and love a fear? so afraid to love but it's the only thing in this world that can bring joy peace within that can heal restore my soul and so I resolve to keep you in a corner of my heart and continue loving you and maybe time will take away the pain "someone" why won't you look at me? don't you see me? please tell me I've got to know please free me speak to me let me know you see me let me know I'm alive not invisible it's haunting my soul day after day please let me know is there someone out there who will save me? who will free me? isn't there always someone for somebody? I believe there's someone out there for me someone who will see me for who I really am and so I will wait wait for you but sometimes I need the assurance that you're really out there waiting for me too I wonder who are you? when will I meet you? where is that special place? will you be my friend or will you pass me by will you not see me will you ignore me will you love me? Ok, the others are just unfinished messes of poems. So I won't post those beginnings yet. Maybe later, if I ever finish them. Anyway, today was an awesome day, cuz Kelly, Joyce, Bethany, Steph Lo, Ariel, and Joseph got baptized!!!!! :) Me, Freesh, and Steph Chang took Kel out to breakfast, just the four of us...like old times. I kinda miss having those monthly sleepovers with them...*sigh*. Last night was awesome as well. God really touched my heart, broke me, even made me cry. haha. Not in a bad way though. Those group Bible study thingies were great. I hope we do more of them. I realized so much. He totally revealed Himself to me. I still can't get over the incredible power of last night. Wow. Still in awe. Anyway, I must leave now. Time to go to Oakland to visit my grandma. Bye for now. dreaming aloud at 7:16 PM
This song, one of my favorites, is dedicated to all my old friends: "At Your Side" the Corrs When the daylight's gone and you're on your own And you need a friend just to be around I will comfort you, I will take your hand And I'll pull you through, I will understand And you know that I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry I'll be at your side If you feel like you're alone, and you've nowhere to turn I'll be at your side If life's standing still and your soul's confused And you cannot find what road to choose If you make mistakes (make mistakes) You can't let me down (let me down) I will still believe (still believe) I will turn around And you know that I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry I'll be at your side If you feel like you're alone, and you've nowhere to turn I'll be at your side I'll be at your side I'll be at your side You know that I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry I'll be at your side If you feel like you're alone, you've got somewhere to go, 'Cos I'm right there I'll be at your side, I'll be right there for you (Together we'll survive) through the haste and hurry I'll be at your side If you feel like you're alone, you've got somewhere to go, 'Cos I'm at your side I'll be right there for you I'll be right there for you, yeah I'm right at your side ...And another Corrs' song for a few special people: "No More Cry" the Corrs I wanna feel just like before Before the rain came in my door Shook me up turned me around Made me cry till I would drown Stole the daylight, brought the night So much anger I would fight Lost my youth and the blue Saw all the loneliness in you Wanna help you give my love Shine some light out from the mud Fill the empty find a rhyme A brigther day a better time But I'm wondering where I'm gone Can't find the truth within my song And all I have give to you To let you know you're not alone I'm telling you I'm smiling for you only (only...) I'm trying for you solely (solely...) I'm praying for you only (only...) No more cry, no more cry... I wanna hear you laugh again Without the ache to bring you down No we'll never be the same If only I could take your pain But if it's true what people say There still is beauty in each day We'll find comfort in her strength One day soon we'll meet again I'm telling you I'm smiling for you only (only...) I'm trying for you solely (solely...) I'm praying for you only (only...) No more cry, no more cry... (Only) I'm singing for you only (only...) Yeah, I worry for you only (only...) I'm praying for you only (only...) No more cry, no more cry... Reach out for love (love...) Shout out for love (love...) Listen for your love (love...) Believe in her love... (love...) I'm telling you I'm telling you I'm smiling for you only (only...) I'm trying for you solely (solely...) I'm praying for you only (only...) No more cry, no more cry I'm singing for you only (only...) Hey, I worry for you only (only...) But it's you saves me from lonely (lonely...) No more cry, no more cry No, no more cry... (no more cry...) No more cry... (no more cry...) No more cry... (no more cry...) No more cry dreaming aloud at 6:37 PM
02 August 2002 Who's your inner singer-songwriter? Take the quiz! dreaming aloud at 10:58 PM
well, tomorrow's the big trip! i dont know if i'll be able to stand that bus for a week, sure hope it's comfortable! anyways i think i'll have enough stuff to do to keep me occupied for the whole week...i think i'm planning to bring too many thigns to do...uh oh. overpack again!!! noooo...i always do this. it's impossible to travel light!! well i THINK i'm excited...we're going to the grand canyon and to yellowstone. so it'll be really pretty. *crosses fingers* dreaming aloud at 3:28 PM
01 August 2002o yea, i forgot...happy birthday bert!!!!!! even tho his surprise bday party was yesterday (along with his actual bday)...hehe that was fun. more ping pong!!! and scottish accents. and well im bored and dont feel like writing so, look in felicia's blog for more details on the party.dreaming aloud at 10:57 PM
got this idea from a blog while blog surfing: 10 FAVORITE CHILDHOOD BOOKS 01. the little house on the prairie series 02. baby-sitters club series 03. wayside school series 04. from the mixed-up files of mrs. basil e. frankweiler 05. the witch of blackbird pond 06. a wrinkle in time 07. a ring of endless light 08. sweet valley twins series 09. anastasia series (by lowis lowry) 10. ramona quimby and henry huggins series (by beverly cleary) 09 THINGS YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO 01. going horse-back riding with amy in massachusetts 02. hiking and having a picnic 03. being a part of a farmers' market 04. making a cloak 05. designing and making some of my own clothes 06. painting more pictures 07. going to youth retreat 08. having a baby of my own 09. publishing a book of poetry 08 THINGS YOU WEAR EVERYDAY 01. glasses 02. elastic in hair or on wrist 03. lip gloss 04. top of some sort 05. shorts/pants/skirt 06. shoes/sandals 07. underwear 08. pj's 07 THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU 01. cussing 02. smoking 03. rude, condescending people with attitudes 04. broken promises 05. people telling me what to do 06. being bored 07. excessive p.d.a. 06 THINGS YOU TOUCH DAILY 01. my hair 02. chapstick 03. face washcloth 04. a book 05. keyboard 06. phone 05 THINGS YOU DO EVERYDAY 01. pray 02. listen to music 03. talk with friends 04. read 05. brush my teeth 04 PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH 01. felicia 02. alfred 03. moki 04. dan 03 MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH AGAIN AND AGAIN 01. a walk to remember 02. ever after 03. never been kissed 02 FAVORITE SONGS OF THE MOMENT 01. "someday we'll know"--mandy moore and jonathan foreman 02. "i wish i were the rain"--shedaisy 01 PERSON YOU COULD SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH 01. the one i love 
What's Your Love Style? 
What's Your Mood?  Which 'Get Fuzzy' Character Are You?  dreaming aloud at 5:12 PM
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