wistful dreamer

2011-06-14T12:56:00.001-07:00

haunted by fading dreams

2009-01-02T03:53:00.000-08:00

1. go to church2. manage money3. eat healthier (+ more fruits & veggies)4. sleep at least 6 hours per night5. no swearing

2008-07-11T01:54:00.000-07:00

I was watching Gilmore Girls with my mom and brother tonight. It felt strange to be watching with them for some reason. Well, my brother's seen it before. And I know it's family-proof, but it was the fifth season, and I'm protective of my brother, and I feel weird watching romantic/relationship-y stuff around my mom because she always hassles me about that kind of thing enough already.I did ask

2008-06-19T22:51:00.000-07:00

Living in this house isn't the same without my dad. I can't see the rooms the same way, or have the same excitement to go home, or enjoy my time in it as much. A home isn't much of a home when a family is broken.Goodness I don't mean to be so depressing or negative on my blog all the time. I guess it's just where I go when I want to say something but don't feel it's significant enough to tell

2008-01-15T13:26:00.000-08:00

I HATE graduate school applications and letters of recommendation!!! They demand way too much and they never receive all the crap I sent them. So I have to re-send them. More money, more time, more patience wasted. More delay on the review of my apps. More chance I won't get in. And stupid bosses and teachers that are not on top of the letter of recommendations!! How many times do I have to nag?!

2008-01-11T04:20:00.000-08:00

Some life-changing decisions have been made recently. Or at least landmark decisions.Oh, and I have just officially achieved one of my goals I meant to accomplish before graduating!Hrm I hate blogger and how I have to be vague in order to feel like I'm not bragging.It's not that big though. Really.Oh well, whatever. I will just write this for my own sake, because I am happy. 3.5 GPA!! Yay!! :) (

2008-01-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

ok it is officially 6 am and i still cannot fall asleep.i hate when you know you have to wake up early the next day, and it's already getting late, and you know you're supposed to be sleeping because the clock is ticking away, but you just CAN'T FALL ASLEEP!! all i can think about is how i'm losing sleep with each hour that goes by, and dreading how tired i'm gonna be the next day. boo.someone

2007-12-06T17:56:00.000-08:00

First interview! :)And a perfect afternoon...Kinda makes up for the microbio final I failed this morning.I'm losing momentum...Idon'twanttowritethispaper.Actually, I just don't want to research.

2007-12-02T10:36:00.000-08:00

I just slept for 12+ hours.Man that felt good. Making up for my nocturnal week (seriously, napping during the day, working through the night).Now I am :)

2007-11-25T01:41:00.000-08:00

I'm very thankful for this break. It was just what I needed. I only wish it was longer. But I'm glad I got to spend quality time with my family, eat lots of yummy food, including a traditional Thanksgiving dinner with Christian's family, visit my grandma, have breakfast with Pauline, get coffee with Faith, see Scott with Christian, get some sleep, do my laundry, and even work on my apps. I want

2007-11-13T10:19:00.000-08:00

Another one down...yay!...but 10 more to go. Le sigh. Looking forward to winter break. I don't want to be a hermit anymore.

2007-11-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of treading on thin ice, tiptoeing quietly in the night. Trying not to offend, then losing my temper. Hiding tears and suffocation; I can't please everyone. I shouldn't second guess myself any longer, but I don't want to be selfish either. I think too much about what I want, what I want to be, what I want to do. And maybe I don't even know what I want anymore, maybe I don't know who me

2007-10-31T22:08:00.000-07:00

YAY another one! Wow I'm slow. And Christian is an angel for editing so much. Thankyouthankyouthankyou. Sadly it's not over yet.Happy Halloween, everyone! I miss elementary school days when we had class parties for every holiday, and sometimes just for good behavior (did you guys ever fill up marble jars as a class, or use star charts?). Ooh and bringing treats for the class when it was your

2007-10-23T02:38:00.000-07:00

Yesss, one down!I can't believe I got sick this weekend.

2007-10-17T20:32:00.001-07:00

Maybe I'm getting sick.

2007-10-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

How come I constantly have a headache?

2007-10-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

I. hate. midterms. They are designed to make you feel horrible about yourself.Ugh.

2007-10-17T12:33:00.000-07:00

TV is such a happy thing. I don't care what people say, TV makes the world a better place. Or at least less stressful.

2007-09-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

My mommy said I could get an iPod nano for my birthday! And I can probably get it soon instead of waiting so yay :) What color should I get...and 4 gigs or 8?

2007-09-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

I called my mom after class today. But she sounded kind of harried, and then she was like, I have to go. I'm having coffee with Auntie Xiangle. Goodness. Too busy for me. But I'm glad she's spending time with her friends :)I want to have a coffee date too! Any takers? 9am is a bit early..

2007-09-28T00:31:00.000-07:00

Whee I just went on a mini shopping spree! On the phone. Haha. I couldn't resist. I was checking BR's website to admire the lovely coat again, and then I noticed that it was running out of sizes! So I thought about when I could make it to the store. But since midterms are coming up soon, I couldn't justify a shopping trip. So I decided just to go for it. Yay! I hope my items come soon :)Next on

2007-09-26T22:28:00.000-07:00

Trying to remember to be patient. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.I always forget how good the Bible

2007-09-25T15:55:00.001-07:00

On the agenda for tonight: SLEEP.If I get my Soc 122 reaction paper done, that is. After staying up til 7am writing my lab report for exercise physio, I am exhausted. I even had to ditch my 8am (big surprise) to sleep. We have a midterm in that class next week. I have no idea what's going on in that class. I think I've been to less than half the lectures. Uh oh.I guess this weekend I'm studying.

2007-08-24T13:20:00.001-07:00

This week has been so much fun. It actually feels like summer. Lots of playing, staying out late..yesterday Christian and I played Mousetrap heehee. I lost though :( I lost at Key to the Kingdom too!! I think he's rigging the games. We also played Soul Calibur for a while. My thumb hurts, but I think I'm getting better yay! And I watched Friends in bed last night while eating junk food. Mm so

2007-08-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

eeee i'm so happy!everyone's home and this weekend has been jam-packed full of fun things.i finally had a full weekday off on thursday...right after midterms. best feeling ever. sadly i woke up at 8am, so i read harry potter for a while, then spent the rest of the day hanging out at christian's house and seeing an a's game with his friends. it was a great game, but too bad we didn't also go to sf

2007-08-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

i hate how the people you love are so close to you, they get under your skin.get out. now.so infuriating. knowing just how to push you to the edge. the other side of love really is hate. and it makes you hate yourself more because you know they're right about you, that you're in the wrong, that they see all the bad parts of you and you can't hide behind your carefully crafted convincings and

2007-07-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

i love my friends. :)need to read hp7. actually, need to read hp6 before i read year 7 because i forget the details, and also i recently watched hp 4 and 5 so need to catch up.but first i need to study (ew) so i don't fail out of hogwa...er anatomy.dang it i wish i could use magic. it looks like such fun.<3 it's an anniversary of sorts today...such happy memories. i love you sweetie :)

2007-05-29T15:22:00.000-07:00

So I just pre-ordered my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on Amazon. But because I got Free Super Saver Shipping or whatever they call it, I have to wait until July 26-28 to get it!!! When it comes out to everyone else on July 21. I probably should have paid the 4.95 for Standard Shipping, but I just couldn't make myself give up free shipping. And now I have to wait extra days for the

2007-05-14T04:30:00.000-07:00

i'm craving french fries. but i've already brushed my teeth and put in my retainers, and plus, we don't have any french fries or potatoes.and i'm addicted to watching tv shows whilst studying. right now it's friends. but also house.i really should sleep.koalie is really cute :) he sits on my desk while i study, looking at me with an innocent expression on his face.oh and i had a good mother's day

2007-04-25T00:56:00.000-07:00

Tonight I looked through a telescope for the first time! For Christian's planets class, he had to go up to the roof of Campbell Hall and look through a telescope to draw a few things, so I went with him and we saw Saturn, Venus, and the moon! It's pretty amazing to be able to see such far-off things from Earth. I almost wish my major was Astronomy. I hope I get more opportunities to look through

2007-04-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

NOTE TO C: update Fantasy Basketball before midnight tomorrow!!On another note, I am furious. And for stupid non-reasons so I won't go into detail. How come the thing you want the most always comes up and bites you in the butt? Stupid stupid stupid. I hate you!!! Infuriating confident smirk. And another note, there is no such thing as losing gracefully in my world. I guess it's a good thing I'm

2007-03-28T01:29:00.000-07:00

I really should sleep earlier and wake up earlier. But instead, I'm sitting here. Addicted to Friends. Streaming them online for free. With crappy slow/busy internet, so it stops every few seconds. If only I had the money to buy the whole DVD box set. But I finally found the episode I was looking for! It's 4x12 :)Breaks are always bittersweet for me. Being home is relaxing because I never do

2007-01-26T14:32:00.000-08:00

I am a logical person. I like doing things in a certain order, and I can't move on until I finish the previous step. I'm good at following directions, and I like when people tell me what I need to do (for work). I enjoy methodical work because I like that I can cross things off my list when a task has been completed. It's satisfying. I even like running errands.I think I'd make a good secretary.

2007-01-22T02:25:00.000-08:00

I love how we can still talk on the phone for hours at a time. Reminds me of high school.I keep seeing pictures of people on red-and-white checkered blankets having picnics in the grass. (Yes, so what if those pictures are from old Britney Spears music videos and magazines and TV commercials.) I would like to have a real picnic, complete with basket and flying kites.Faith and I have been getting

2007-01-14T00:30:00.000-08:00

I finally got to see Dwyane Wade in person!! Not up close, but still. Christian gave me tickets to the Warriors Heat game for my birthday, so we went last night, and it was amazing to see Wade play live. I'm so glad he recovered from his wrist injury in time for our game. We had pretty good seats too, in the lower level. Basketball games are so exhilarating. I love the atmosphere.My mom and I

2007-01-11T23:32:00.000-08:00

Today I remembered why I love pilates so much.I also got over my fear of bikes. Sorta. Going on a bike ride along trails and up and down hills will do that, I suppose.Independence Day is such a great movie. I love Bill Pullman.In other news, my stomach hurts :(

2007-01-08T15:55:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh my lists are driving me crazy!! I think I need to stop writing all these notes to myself...or at least have a better system. I need some kind of filtering. Or maybe just learn what is higher priority.Do everything important first, and everything else will fall into place..

2006-12-29T01:31:00.000-08:00

I finally found my golf glove! Well actually, my brother found it. A few days ago. So now I can go to the driving range again :) Because I refuse to go without it. Use another glove, pshaw. Christian and I went yesterday, and I taught him how to swing. He kept trying to hit the ball like in baseball. My hands and right arm are sore. I guess it's been too long since I've been out there.My goal for

2006-10-27T14:47:00.000-07:00

The bunny I wanted got sold. I'm in mourning.

2006-10-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

Orange juice!! That's what I forgot to buy at Safeway.

2006-10-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

2006-10-21T22:34:00.000-07:00

I caught my first fish ever today!So we went fishing today. And I learned how to bait my own hook and cast my rod, and I caught a little baby perch. Of course, we threw it back because it was so small. But still! It was exciting. I've been so exhausted lately. Sleeping for 3.5-4.5 hours for three consecutive nights is not a good idea. And I'm getting sick :( But midterms are over!! I feel so

2006-10-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

aw he liked my present :)i love when we stay up all night talking about our lives. my cell phone tinkles like a fairie! it makes a shimmery sound like the sprinkling of fairiedust! it's fun.that's the only good ringtone on this fobby thing.my computer is acting up. i hope it lasts a little longer. sighh...such a happy weekend :)well, so far.

2006-09-27T18:03:00.000-07:00

Teehee. Oh and I think I'm getting addicted to e-bay.

2006-09-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

I'm officially an IB major now. It feels good to have a plan..but I still feel overwhelmed. I have been very slow today. I feel like I'm walking through fog or water or something, where everything's hazy and I can't make any decisions, like what food to make, or what movie to watch. I just watched Sleepless in Seattle, and now I want to go to bed.Yes, I know it's 7:26. I think I'll go read and

2006-09-17T18:26:00.000-07:00

Blasts from the past are just what I don't need right now. I feel stupid and vulnerable and stupid a couple more times. On the other hand, my boyfriend is wonderfully sweet. :)Sometimes I get a little shaky, and then he grounds me again. It's all about how you look at things I suppose.

2006-09-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

HMPH! I just went down to the basement to get my laundry. I got there maybe five minutes after my laundry finished drying. Someone dumped all my clean clothes on the top of the dirty dryer to dry their own clothes!! Goodness they can't wait FIVE minutes for me to get my clothes?? Now my clean clothes are probably somewhat dirty again. And I HATE it when random people touch my clothes!!! Someone

2006-09-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

Aw. He gave me an Ina drawer. :)

2006-08-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

I am not allowed to have coffee anymore. It does bad things to me. It's mean. Hmph. Today was such a long day. I am tired. I think I will find some food now. Goodbye.

2006-08-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

WAHH I don't want school to start!! :(

2006-08-14T22:00:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't have tried on those Tiffany's watches. Because now, every other watch looks shabby in comparison. Burberry? Skagen?

2006-08-09T03:29:00.000-07:00

You know, I edit my sidebars more than I write new entries. I just keep constantly making lists. And editing lists. How sad. On happier notes, I am feeling smiley and warm at the moment. I gotta learn how to chill out. Not take everything so seriously.

2006-08-05T23:39:00.000-07:00

Kelly makes me think. Makes me reflect. Or rather, digging down, looking into myself, and figuring out what is really at the bottom of everything. What is behind everything. Something I hate sitting down and doing. But it's good to realize things about yourself. Like how I'm afraid of people leaving. I'm afraid of trusting, because I get attached. And I'm too sensitive. People affect me too much.

2006-08-05T21:11:00.000-07:00

i. hate. this. i hate waiting around. and always hanging up empty and disappointed."why don't we live together and you understand what i'm saying?" -chandler. how about we start understanding each other. like, now.hm i just wasted my whole night.

2006-08-04T01:32:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry we didn't see the Monets in SF together. That's one promise I didn't get to follow through.

2006-08-04T00:57:00.000-07:00

So overwhelmed. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep all day. Except I know that I won't be able to fall asleep. And it'll be awfully lonely, just me and my memories. Time. Sort. Separate. Jumble. Wandering and idle. I am of no use to anyone right now.The sound of Dashie lapping up his water is oddly comforting. But even he doesn't want me.

2006-07-31T21:03:00.000-07:00

"If you love someone, and you break up, where does the love go?"Sex and the City really grows on you. You find yourself loving the characters. Especially when you're feeling crappy. I saw the final season finale on TV last night, and it made me cry. It was so sweet. Where all four girls ended up...well it was just perfect.I love fairytale endings.So I've been having trouble sleeping again. I

2006-07-29T00:22:00.000-07:00

FREEDOM!! I can drive again! :)

2006-07-25T21:32:00.000-07:00

They lied. It wasn't a tiny pinch. It was a very long pinch. I hate needles. I think I would have remembered getting a filling before, even if I was only 9 years old. So I'm sticking with my claim that I never got that filling. The dentist doesn't know what he's talking about. Because I didn't know what to expect today. Curses. Another first for me was getting scratched by a cat. Yesterday, at

2006-07-24T00:30:00.000-07:00

Talking/writing with Auntie Winnie. Talking with Kim. Faith and Roger picking me up from WC. Catching up with Faith. Crossroads. Hanging at Kai and Roger's. Hitch and The Brothers Grimm. Morning with Pam. Lunch with Katy. Swimming with Christian. Great Khan. Singing in the Rain with Di and Mommy. Church. Tracy on the phone. Holding little Hanniel. A Gap top from Joe. Sweet Tomatoes. Blueberry

2006-07-15T19:09:00.000-07:00

I. Am. A. Shopaholic.

2006-07-11T12:04:00.000-07:00

I just came back from the dentist's office. I have a cavity!! :( Apparently this will be my second one. I guess I had three sealants and a cavity when I was ten. I don't remember that. But this one isn't my fault, he said. Just the way my tooth formed. A pit. A weakened spot. Boo. I am terrified of needles. The good thing is that this is the best place to get a cavity, cuz I'll barely feel the

2006-07-07T01:04:00.000-07:00

thank you.

2006-07-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

New CDs and DVDs = new fun for Ian! :)Dashboard Confessional "Dusk and Summer"Cute is What We Aim For "The Same Old Blood Rush with a New Touch"Little WomenTo Catch a ThiefPride and Prejudice (BBC)But I will read more too! I'm reading a book that one of Audrey Hepburn's sons wrote about her. Also plan to re-read some old favorites soon, like The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Someday I'll watch all of

2006-06-27T23:43:00.000-07:00

I got my stitches out today. Finally started walking without crutches. I have an aircast that looks like a ski boot. It sort of squishes my foot so it hurts when I wear it for long periods of time. Tryin to tough it out though. Family. Hm.They are so aggravating but I love them anyway. Finding yourself is difficult. Being that person is even more difficult. Praying for more love. I need to

2006-06-24T23:32:00.000-07:00

BORED out of my mind. ihateflakes. ROAR.i'm so disappointed.

2006-06-23T00:28:00.000-07:00

I feel so blessed. :) You know, this surgery/recovering thing is quite annoying, but this lazing around all day is not too bad. When your only goals are finishing seasons of various tv shows and reading books and spending time with friends, you realize that summer is pretty great. Sometimes a little too hot or too slow, but relaxing I suppose. And my friends are so great for stopping by and

2006-06-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

hm. i don't think my blog is working.edit: scratch that. somehow it's working again!

2006-05-31T14:21:00.000-07:00

ROAR. I hate scheduling doctor/dentist/etc appointments when I have no control over "my schedule" (read: Mom and Di's schedules) and when I can't drive myself. Stupid surgery. And rawr to all the receptionists that want to give me a hard time for rearranging my appointments and not calling back at convenient times. Sorry that my family and I have a life outside of this surgery. And argh that Mom

2006-05-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

happy birthday freesh! :) yay for lazy summer afternoons in the park. i love the sunshiney weather!walking dash with di and mom is fun too. [at northgate the way we used to.] dashie is so cute :)"sunday drive" by the early november haunts me. i can hear you singing it to me...i hope you never do.the parent trap (the hayley mills version)~movies like that make you really miss the one you love. and

2006-05-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

soo happy. :)shopping with jacqueline before she leaves for eight months. my kitty. chocolate donut from faith. hold em. random sleepovers. bewitched. pound cake. feast and 13 going on 30. chatting with aunt gloria. passing bio. moon river and on my own. summer.

2006-05-15T00:24:00.000-07:00

CDs to buy:RufioThe Rocket SummerThe Starting LineCopelandMichael BubleJimmy Eat WorldSaves the DayKelly ClarksonThis semester is almost over! Two more days...sigh. Finals drag on forever. I broke my glasses. :(

2006-05-08T10:02:00.000-07:00

twenty-one months yesterday. how did i lose track?but it has been such a wonderful weekend. :)

2006-04-22T17:57:00.000-07:00

thinking about you. :) clicking through pictures and slides, you'll always stick with me. count on my love...

2006-04-01T17:35:00.000-08:00

SO BORED. why can't this paper write itself??!i have already blog/xanga surfed, eaten, shopped online, and listened to britney spears while dancing around my apartment. what else can i do to distract myself??i think my jeans are ripping in the crotch. hmm. faith is coming home soon!!! yay!! :) and christian is coming to berkeley to watch lost...ooh scary. i dunno if i want to find out what

2006-04-01T00:25:00.000-08:00

ah ma and ah gong called today...ah ma specifically asked to talk to mom...twice! and she asked to speak to me...and then she told me that she missed me! twice! ah gong confirmed it...goodness my chinese is so rusty. well this is a pleasant surprise. i wonder what's gotten into her. i really hope i can call them more often. they seem quite lonely. i should remember to call nai nai too. i guess

2006-03-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

i can't capture you. i can't capture you. i want to remember. and i don't think i ever told you.

2006-03-12T19:54:00.000-08:00

what a fun (and slightly stressful) weekend! slept in on saturday (somehow i still only got maybe 7 hours of sleep--was supposed to get at least 8!!), did a little catch-up reading, went to sf with jacqueline and shopped my little heart out :) we spent so much time and money...and it was so worth it. we got such good deals :) i barted home home (yay walnut creek), had to pick up my brother from

2005-12-02T01:14:00.000-08:00

Introverted (I) 51.52% Extroverted (E) 48.48%Intuitive (N) 63.33% Sensing (S) 36.67%Feeling (F) 78.13% Thinking (T) 21.88%Judging (J) 58.97% Perceiving (P) 41.03% INFJ - "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1.5% of total population. Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

2005-09-20T00:37:00.000-07:00

hm. that's interesting. i just talked to my mom on the phone for about an hour. and it was good. i called her because i needed her. and she was there for me. and we talked about interesting things. i could be honest with her, truly myself for once. well almost all of it. too much to say in one hour, so i said most of everything. i guess i miss her, and di, and home, more than i thought. well, the

2005-09-17T22:54:00.000-07:00

grocery shopping always makes me think about you. and the rows of coffee beans, the smell. the boxes of cereal, the jars of plum baby food. free samples of candy, tubes of raw cookie dough. the pillsbury doughboy you got for me. oh i miss you. is it ok to cry? please don't be sad if i cry a little for you. you won't be disappointed? i know you want me to be happy. and i am, i am happy. but

2005-08-24T03:11:00.000-07:00

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette,Just a few drags to go.You built me upAnd you broke me down,Somehow.Everything just seemed so clear to meNothing left to know.I'll love you right and I'll love you pure,Right now.How can you say,That it's too lateTo save us nowAnd I would wait for you,If you would wait for me.I will wait for you,if you will wait for me.Intoxicated the edge is

2005-08-07T18:30:00.000-07:00

The things we did, the things we saidKeep coming back to me and make me smile againYou showed me how to face the truthEverything that's good in me, I owe to youThough the distance that's between usNow may seem to be too farIt will never separate usDeep inside, I know you areNever gone, never farIn my heart is where you areAlways close, everydayEvery step along the wayEven though for now we've got

2005-07-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

I have $3.96 left in my checking account. Eeeks! I have to stop spending money. And I need to get paid. And I need to work more. Lots more. But let's not be down today.Can I just say, I love my boyfriend? :)And The Slayers is awesome.

2005-07-25T16:58:00.000-07:00

My new aspiration is to be a dolphin trainer. Christian and I went to Marine World Six Flags last week, and we saw all these adorable animals. Including dolphins, of course. :) Animals have always intimidated me, partially because my father was allergic to all animals with hair or fur, so we never had any pets, and partially because for me, it isn't instinctive how to communicate with them. But

2005-06-27T23:24:00.000-07:00

I was driving home from picking up a pizza tonight when I saw a squirrel by the side of the road. It was twitching and spazzing, trying to (I think) get back on its feet or roll over at least, and I was horrified by the way it was obviously struggling and suffering. Then along came a huge car and hit the poor creature!! I was shocked beyond belief and could barely drive the rest of the way home.

2005-06-11T02:01:00.000-07:00

You say that love goes anywhere / In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there / When you go, I'll let you be / but you're killing everything in meWhisper what I need / Something prettyI feel that when I'm old / I'll look at you and know / the world was beautiful -Polaris, Jimmy Eat World

2005-05-08T22:21:00.000-07:00

i hate when people sign off AIM without saying bye. i miss writing poetry.

2005-03-11T17:43:00.000-08:00

Last night was this year's third all-nighter. Christian and I stayed up all night to study for our math midterm. It was the easiest one to pull so far, and I'm only now starting to feel the tiredness sinking in...I did get about two hours of sleep. Christian only got maybe 40 min though. And now he's playing tennis! Crazy boy. Yesterday I saw a girl holding a leash, and at the end of the leash

2005-03-08T03:04:00.000-08:00

who are we to stand before God, stubborn, with our arms crossed, as if to say, "you're really God? prove it. you want a relationship with me? convince me why. what will you give me? what do you have to offer me? make an effort for me and MAYBE i'll believe. maybe i'll follow." we waver, we doubt, we play hard-to-get, we are stubborn and ignorant and don't deserve God's kindness, gentleness,

2005-03-06T16:48:00.000-08:00

today is a lovely day. even though i have a ton of work to do (lab junk, paper), i've decided that today is going to be simply wonderful. i slept from 8 am to 2:30 pm today, and that was the deepest sleep i've gotten in a long time (even though it was a bit interrupted, but i didn't set the alarm so yay!) so i feel well rested. waiting for the mail is sort of fun too, but i wish it would hurry up

2005-02-25T18:12:00.000-08:00

ooh. e.e. cummings' poetry makes me shiver. i can't wait to browse through moe's books. maybe i'll find his poetry. and t.s. eliot's.mmm. your kiss makes me shiver.

2005-02-25T02:38:00.000-08:00

may i feel said hee. e. cummingsmay i feel said he(i'll squeal said shejust once said he)it's fun said she(may i touch said hehow much said shea lot said he)why not said she(let's go said henot too far said shewhat's too far said hewhere you are said she)may i stay said he(which way said shelike this said heif you kiss said shemay i move said heis it love said she)if you're willing said he(but

2004-10-15T04:22:00.000-07:00

my heart is being squeezed from all sides and i can't breathe. slow down... more love, more love. discipline. the world is tinged with sadness and desperation, a quiet desperation, but sometimes loud. a tinny loudness, bouncing off the empty shells and bare bones of pathetic falsely built-up self-esteems. eyes dripping out of greed, hunger, and not of fullness, of love. love. a foreign

2004-10-14T03:33:00.000-07:00

YES! It works! My blog is BACK. :) Ok, time for more slow jams and Chem (perfect combo, according to Jose).

2004-10-09T04:28:00.000-07:00

screw it. i'm going to bed. (it's not working.)

2004-10-09T03:59:00.000-07:00

I watched my dad's memorial service slideshow for the first time since the service. I don't feel like sleeping yet. I can't find the picture that used to be up here on my blog, and it is a bit frustrating. No one is online or awake (probably b/c it's 4 am). I just found the picture in my email! And now I must find a host. Hm. Let's see if this works.

2004-08-13T00:42:00.000-07:00

Things that make me smile: oh so many. where do I begin. today was good. went out to lunch with Theresa--it was so good to see her again, and talk with her of course. yummy food, cute restaurant, treated ourselves to Belgian chocolates YUMMM. worked on the memorial service program a bit with Mom, just went over it and etc. fixed my poem. to the post office next and saved money because I

2004-08-11T14:47:00.000-07:00

"This is Our God" Chris Tomlin A refuge for the poor A shelter for the storm, This is our God. He will wipe away your tears And return your wasted years This is our God. Oooh...Mmmm...This is our God. Oooh...Mmmm...This is our God. A father to the orphan, A healer to the broken, This is our God. He brings peace to your madness And comfort in our sadness This is our God. Oooh...Mmmm...This is

2004-08-07T03:07:00.000-07:00

i want my glasses. my eyes hurt. or maybe that's the headache talking. spiderman 2 is not as good the second time as the first. i am so tired but i do not want to give in to sleep yet. i am not ready.